i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
