I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
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