let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Randomize
