you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
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i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
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the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
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