I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
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