Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
Randomize
