He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
Randomize
