I don't usually arrange sex via text message
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
