Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
This is my gift to your gina
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
Success! We fucked roommates!
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
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