My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
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