i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
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