Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
Blow job season was short but glorious.
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
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