and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
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You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
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I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
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