I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
Randomize
