i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
