Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
Randomize
