I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
This toilet bowl is my home.
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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