Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
Don't EVER smell your tampon
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
Randomize
