My liver just broke up with me...
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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