you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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