You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
