I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
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