I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Randomize
