Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
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