Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
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We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
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Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
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