Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
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asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
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The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
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