this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
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