literally had 100 drinks last night.
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
Randomize