your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
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