Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
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