chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
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