I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
Randomize
