she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
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I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
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I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
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