I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
I need to align my fucking chakras
I yelled at your uterus for you.
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
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