so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
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