Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
And then he peed in my hair
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