I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
And then he peed in my hair
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