also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
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