Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
Randomize
