Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
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