I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Randomize
