i'm lost and i look like a hooker
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
