I am in a vortex of obligation.
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
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