yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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