You really coming over, don't trick.
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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