sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
Randomize
