I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
Randomize
