Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
Are we still banned from the library?
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
My breath smells like gin and sadness
Randomize
