I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
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