Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
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