So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
Randomize
