So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
Randomize
