I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
