Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
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