none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
Randomize
