why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
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Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
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God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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