I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
I need moral support for this bender
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
Randomize
