im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
Are my feet made of real feet?
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize
