i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
Randomize
