He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
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